my current state of being

a paradox is a seemingly contradictory statement--
perhaps both true and false ("i am happy.");
or perhaps apparently false but really true ("i am foolish.");
or vise-versa ("i know what i am doing.").

everything is random--
who we are and what we do.
but also nothing is random--
(assuming free will exists)
we all choose what we do next,
and simply the smallness of the fraction of
one individual over the entire human population,
makes everything seem random.

a "random" meeting is really a coincidental choice.
a "random" meeting is really a haphazard meeting.

yet the paradox is rooted deeper still.
A haphazard meeting influences decision thereafter,
and thus our lives are entangled in a web of
fortuity and free-will: a pseudo-random walk towards death.

tonight i realized the scope of fortuity--
that there is nothing that can thwart my pseudo-random fate:
free will, my only semblance of control, simply leads me
down another pseudo-random course.

i would have expected such an epiphany to foster felicity--
in a very real sense i understand my fate,
and can choose the happiest path;
but this expectation is just another paradox for two reasons:
  1. how do i know the right path to choose?
    wik only one path, one choice at each moment,
    how can i know, a priori, the best choice?
    milan kundera calls this the
    unbearable lightness of being.
  2. no one seems to acknowledge their pseudo-random fate--
    that it is inescapable;
    that free-will is only a ditch dug to death.

one human biological fortuity is love--
if two people love each other,
and realized their fate,
then they could choose a path that they know,
somewhat a priori,
to be a reasonably happy path.
they could ignore the unbearable lightness of being.

i can sum these thoughts into one paradoxical statement--
you must live your life.
prev (02. reality.check) | next (04. useful.stuff) | home (apathy)